I have a complaint.

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I’m looking for my guarantee with full details of the T & C’s

A repair to bring me back to good as new.

Full waiver of the fees, a service is well overdue,

 

Can I have a pair of eyes that can see

and, longer intervals between each wee.

My arms wobble as I wave goodbye and I have love handles where I should have those hips that don’t lie.

I gaze into shop windows and although it is full of goodies offering retail therapy,

all I see is the reflection of my mother staring back at me.

 

Dear Mother Nature, head of customer service.

may I have a tight stomach not bought by the onset of rigor mortis

This ageing process seems so unfair

My biggest complaint is the indignity of unwanted hair.

 

So woman to woman lets make a deal.

lets agree to halt the demise of how my body makes me feel.

I promise to look after myself this time.

And forever I will remain a  woman in her prime.

 

 

 

Diets are a fad!

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Diets are a fad and…

No food is a sin said my size 8 mate

Pounds from your bank have the biggest loss,

Not the pounds from your weight.

 

For a fiver a week

she said that she would examine the scale,

Then congratulate or scold,

maybe call me a beached whale.

 

I gazed across the table

at her petite frame,

I had visions of her coming to a slimmers meeting,

and declaring to all that the food was free of blame.

 

My group support chums

would gasp with despair,

“Its alright for her…

A lady who sees a cake as a food to share”